time: a small essay from days gone by

November 14, 2017

looking back is a speciality of mine. i do it a lot, more often than i potentially should but alas, i do it anyway. all the time. it's a clear and set way for my brain to compute that i am in fact growing up, and it's worked out well so far. i'm twenty, and i haven't tripped and fallen into a pit of spiders yet. and i guess that's great. it is great. 

i actually wrote a thing around christmas time for the national student about how one of my goals for 2017 was to stop looking back in time, using one of dodie clark's song lyrics as a analogy if i remember rightly. i mean that's cool, but looking back is so ingrained into me, i'm afraid i won't be able to stop. and now, i don't think i want to.

i categorise my life in lots of different ways. one being girls aloud albums, another being summers and overarching themes. or what happened in coronation street. or what stage of awful the x factor was at (come on, the cheryl/danni era was 100% the best one). and i love that. these things helped me grow up, they still help me grow even if love machine is now considered something only flares will play and the coronation street i used to watch isn't even on the same street anymore. 

like, time is weird. i get that. but it's beautiful and therapeutic and makes you tingle and smile and reminisce in a way that's not sad - but it can make you cry too. cry sad tears, happy tears. it's weird.

not being frank and honest about time is worse than obsessing over it and categorising, i think. 

'the only use of a broken clock is telling the correct time twice a day' - something i think lumiere from beauty and beast said a while ago as i sat in a cinema screen and went WOAH at it's beauty. 

i'm gl(s)ad that i've moved on from many things. bur i'm glad it happened. the clock has ticked, i've ticked that box, and i've grown up. 

growing up. 

in time.

it's a good thing.  

even peter pan had to grow up someday.

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